Competitive Behaviour

A couple of nights ago some things I had been mulling over for some time all came together. A group of people who have done their NLP training with Pegasus NLP Trainings www.nlp-now.co.uk now meet in Bournemouth every month to share ideas, progress and to practice what we have learnt. This time we explored the use of the TOTE technique, a tool for eliciting the strategies that people use in their lives. We focussed this time on ‘What do you do well in your life?’ and I did ‘competition’.

I know a lot about competition. I have played sports all my life, and won two World Championships, 15 European and National Championships as well as finishing 7th at the Olympics in 1984. I’ve also lost a lot – one of the truths about sailing is that it teaches you to cope with losing as well as winning. I know that the rewards of competing aren’t always finishing first – doing the best you can is often (but not always) as good. I ‘do’ competition well – I’m an expert at it.

In sport we often start work with an athlete by identifying strengths and weaknesses, and one of the patterns I have identified is that huge strengths in some situations are often massive weaknesses in others. This holds true for me about competition. Sometimes I end up competing against people in wholly inappropriate situations.

I have now gained a real insight into the issue. I understand far more about why I and others use competitive behaviour outside the forum of competitive events, and how, if selectively applied, it can be put to good use, but also not-so-good use. Now I recognise what triggers this response so that from here on, I can create that little bit of space in both myself and others I work with to judge whether the situation requires a competitive reaction or not.

I do enjoy these insights into the why’s, wherefore’s and when’s of life!

Race-training in a positive way

I was coaching on board a racing yacht at the weekend – a Mumm 30 for those that know about these things. My client – an owner-driver in this very competitive class – had identified that he could start well is there was a gap to go into, but if there were lots of boats around, then he tended to shy away . So the aim of the time spent afloat was to focus in-depth on the boat-positioning skills needed for the start of a race. I was the on-board-the yacht coach, and my old friend Jim Saltonstall was the coach-in-a-RIB (motorboat) videoing it all from off the boat.

Everyone enjoyed having the two coaches with contrasting but complementary styles there. My client made huge strides, ably assisted by his very willing crew, who worked hard when it would have been all too easy to switch off attention. So often in sports coaching its about taking people to the extremes they fear in the safe environment of a training session in order to develop confidence and flexibility in their reactions for the more normal operations of the sport. My client discovered he had less to worry about than he thought, he developed some techniques to help him to retain control of the boat and that he could trust his crew to help him get out of trouble.

I have been working hard to discipline my coaching style to work off the positives for some time now – and I find time and time again it just works. It never fails to impress me how people seem to be able to shift long-standing less helpful behaviours by keeping the atmosphere up-beat when working on some hard-edged and tricky stuff. This is not a soft, comfortable approach – quite the contrary. I’m finding an atmosphere of respect is generated in which solid work can be done, and consequently, people make greater progress than before.

Clean Language Teleclass

Blog 8May06

I’ve just done the Clean Language tele-class with Wendy Sullivan. Fascinating experience. I really enjoyed it. We got to practice a number of clean language questions on each other, which was fun. But just as good were the experiences of being questioned and observing the way it worked for others. It gave me the chance to develop a note-taking structure that I will go on to use when recording key words and phrases in conversations during life- and executive-coaching sessions.

It became very clear that it helps to use Clean Language in a way that addresses the outcomes that the person (client) is working towards, rather than the problems. Otherwise you and the client lead each other into less productive arenas. But the wonder of it all is how powerful peoples’ metaphors are – what a constant surprise to work with! That really appeals to me.

There’s a conference with David Groves in the UK later in the year – I wasn’t going to go but I may now.